Step away from the keyboard
What I really need my computer to do is monitor my emotional level and then enable/disable features as appropriate. I'd like to see this dialog box: "I'm sorry, you can't post to your weblog right now because you're at emotion level 6. Please try again later once you have successfully chilled out. Contact your system administrator if you feel you've reached this message in error."
"Warning: You're now at level 7. Breathe."
Or, "I'm sorry, you're much too happy to open Excel. Try back later."